Fear of Failure

You’re about to make a decision, or maybe you already have, and now you’re faced with dread.

What was once a dream is now beginning to be reality.

When something exists only as a dream, it is perfect, flawless, a fantasy we are free to enjoy.

But once we make the decision, we thrust it into reality, and suddenly anything can happen.

It has the potential to sink or swim. There is suddenly the possibility of failure.

But, this stress is doing us no good. At best, it will be a nagging fear in the back of our mind, and at worst, it can lead to poor judgment and a greater chance of failure.

How do we rid ourselves of this fear?

I. Forgive yourself

First, understand that you’re not alone. Fear of failure is a form of stress that just about everyone has had to face at one point or another.

You’re not broken.

Don’t try to outright dismiss the fear or ignore it. This will only make things worse.

We often try to discount our emotions in various ways, to set them aside.

“This is stupid. This project isn’t even worth worrying about. Why do I feel this way?”

“So-and-so never seems stressed. I should be more like them and push through.”

Accept your emotions for what they are.

You can only improve your situation if you come at it from a place of radical honesty.

Give yourself the freedom to examine without self-judgment—the freedom to experience your emotions thoroughly and accurately. Only then begin to critically examine them.

II. The fear could be a positive indication

If someone challenged you to a bowling pin balancing competition, chances are you’d have no fear of failure. You may be competitive about it, but you wouldn’t be afraid to fail.

Why is that?

Because it’s a meaningless task. It’s not something you’ve tied to your ego, it’s not something you’re worried about others judging you for, and it’s not something you perceive as having any impact on your life.

But you’re feeling fear now, whether about a presentation, or a project, or a new business venture. So why is that?

Examine the fear you’re feeling for a moment. Where is it coming from?

Sometimes this fear is an indication that we are starting down a path that feels meaningful to us. It’s something important.

And what better way is there to live than to spend your time on meaningful experiences.

So if you are feeling fear of failure, it could very well be a positive indication:

You are heading down the right path.

III. Quelling the fear

The above realization may provide you some peace. But it’s unlikely to rid you of this fear altogether. (And rightfully so.)

To further reduce this fear, try to dig further. Let’s get to the roots of it.

Have you started a new job? Maybe this fear stems from feeling you don’t yet have the skills to succeed?

Are you starting a podcast? Maybe the root is a worry that no one will listen?

With each answer, ask yourself whether it’s something you can control.

In the case of starting a new job, the fear that you might not yet have the skills to succeed may be rational. Likewise, it’s something you can control.

Find peers at work that are willing to act as a mentor. Find educational resources and make a plan to work through them. Communicate openly and honestly with your team.

In many cases, the act of planning alone can significantly quell anxiety.

For the case of the podcast, the worry that no one will listen is rational, but it’s not something you can directly control.

So what can you control that might improve the odds of people listening?

Dedicate some time to brainstorm ways to get the word out. Focus your attention on the actions you can take that will improve the probability of success.

IV. Regardless of outcome

When you focus on what you have control over, you stop being a dreamer and a worrier. Instead, you become someone taking action—someone that is actively altering outcomes.

You’ll be able to focus on education and actions—elements that will make you a better person, improving the likelihood of success for not just this dream, but every dream that follows it.

Regardless of what happens, working on this goal will have a real and meaningful effect on you.

Focus on the right things. Even in failure, you’ll succeed.

V. In short

  1. Without self-judgment, experience your emotions openly and honestly.
  2. Realize the fear is a positive indication.
  3. Search for the roots of the fear.
  4. Create a plan of action targeting what you have control over.
  5. Regardless of your end goal, remember what you’re doing is self-improvement.

2021-06-12