Ask for Happiness

Note: This was originally posted as a tweet thread.

People give up on a lot of happiness by not being honest about what they want.

Or by being too afraid to ask for it.

A friend of mine was conflicted recently.

She unexpectedly ran into an old friend—someone she once had feelings for.

During the conversation, she hinted that he should reach out to catch up sometime.

By the next day, he hadn’t yet texted her.

Maybe he was busy and didn’t want to appear distracted if he started a conversation.

Or, maybe he once had feelings for her too, and now he was too nervous to reach out.

Where did your mind first go? What assumption did you make about this situation?

What was her assumption?

She decided he must not have any interest in her.

She gave up on potential happiness based on a negative assumption. And for what?

To avoid the chance that she might face rejection?

After our talk, what did she do? We’ll get there.

First, let’s talk about how this story applies to you.

People are so afraid of short-term loss or pain that they would give up on any amount of potential happiness—even happiness that could last the rest of their life—rather than face the chance of having their ego bruised.

No great reward comes without risk.

Having the confidence to put your ego on the line and the resilience to handle short-term pain well is an incredible advantage in life.

When you think about it, an ego bruise is the least costly risk you could incur.

If you feel resistance to an action, if you notice yourself talking yourself out of something, take a second to think.

🧠 What assumptions am I making that might not be true?
🎱 Am I rationalizing my behavior?
⬆️ What’s the best-case scenario?
⬇️ What’s the worst-case scenario?

What am I risking, and for what reward?

So what did she do after our talk?

She texted him first.

He texted her back.

How did everything resolve? That’s a story for another time…

2021-06-25