Too Self-Aware?
Self-development—becoming a better version of yourself—is predicated on self-awareness.
After all, how can we improve upon our faults if we are not aware of them?
But, there is a real danger to this. Becoming hyper-focused on yourself and hyper-critical of yourself can quickly lead to negative thought spirals and a distorted view of yourself and the world around you.
If self-development is a passion, then we need to have the tools to maintain it long-term.
I. The problem of self-focus
If you are self-reflective, if you journal, if you consider your actions in-moment, you will end up spending a lot of time thinking about yourself. This sort of observation is needed to get a better understanding of ourselves. But, it does come with risk.
If you focus so thoroughly and constantly on yourself, you start to make yourself the center of your own universe.
The reality is you are a member of various tribes. You are a person within communities. But, you may start to see everything else only in relationship to yourself—you become the center of the universe.
With this mentality, actions others take may be viewed through a false lens. You might see simple actions as slights or feel that your reactions are the intentions of others. You may lose focus that everything comes down to interaction—the interplay between multiple people—and that others are not as focused on you as you are on yourself.
Remember that everyone has motivations, passions, desires. That we are all acting to our interests the best that we can. Imagine yourself in the shoes of others, rebuild your empathy, and see yourself as a part of the whole rather than the center of it.
II. Hyper-criticality
Like Hank Green says regarding creative productivity1. When you are creating something, “you are gonna know the thing you create better than anyone else will ever know it.”
No one will know what it could have been, what you wanted it to be, the flaws that you still see within it. Everyone else will see it as a finished product, they take it as a whole, and only the most critical will seek out flaws or missed potential.
Only you will continue to look at it knowing what you would have done next and where you think you made a mistake.
I would imagine even artists with their work in MOMA see a brushstroke they would like to alter right then and there whenever they visit their work.
What happens when instead of a creative piece, you apply that same critical lens—that same developmental lens—to yourself?
This intensely focused self-awareness and overly critical thinking can lead one to focus on all the negatives—all the things they are working to improve. While this may be useful for determining next steps, it can be detrimental to living life.
These thoughts continually polluting your mind can quickly lead to negative thought patterns, feelings of worthlessness or helplessness, an overall lowering of self-esteem.
If self-focus may cause a distorted view of your place in your community, self-criticism may lead to a distorted view of your true value.
If you are trying to develop yourself, if you practice journaling, conscious self-reflection, or anything else that brings a critical lens to your being, you should also practice self-forgiveness, self-acceptance, and gratitude. You should spend some time celebrating your wins, the things you and others value about yourself, and the things you are thankful for. Focus on the whole of yourself. Not just the areas you are working on.
Balance the critical and the complimentary.
This can give you the strength you need to be happy while allowing you to successfully develop.
As much as you focus on who you want to be, you ought to remember the good things about who you already are.
III. Final words
Remember to be empathetic towards others and understanding of your place in your community.
Remember that what you feel may not reflect reality and that you must observe yourself as a whole, not only the aspects you are working to change.
Be kind to yourself. Lasting change comes from a place of love.
2021-07-03